Valentine's Day, a day celebrating love seems like a good day to connect back to all. It's been ages since I've posted. I've been working on my book (to be published by Perigee Spring 2009) and taking care of kids at the office, so my lovely Blog has been waiting. But I couldn't resist sharing these wise words from kids on Love and Marriage. Sure made me smile - hope it does you too. Please send in your favorite kid quotes!
Kids on Love and Marriage....
What would you do on a first date that was turning sour?
"I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns." Craig, age 9
When is it OK to kiss someone?
"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." Curt, age 7
How do you decide who to marry?
"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." Kirsten, age 10
Is it better to be single or married?
"Single is better, for the reason that I wouldn't want to change diapers. If I did get married, I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing." Kirsten, age 10
What is the right age to be married?
"Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then." Camille, age 10
How can a stranger tell if two people are married?
"You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." Derrick, age 8
How would the world be different if people didn't get married?
There would sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?" Kelvin, age 8
How would you make a marriage work?
"Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck." Ricky, age 10
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Monday, September 10, 2007
Welcome Back
You will no doubt be receiving lots of messages about coming back to school after this long summer vacation. I hope you had a relaxing one. Some of the kids that see me have been to off to sleep-away camp, some in town with lots of one week camps like swimming, surfing, computer, dance, art - you name it, there seems to be a camp for it. Others have been traveling the globe - visiting family across the states or seeing Europe for the first time. Not one child has said his vacation was too long; a bit boring at times, but no one has actually wanted to go back to school early. They are worried about the pressure to do well, about the homework that seems to take hours, and about falling behind before things even begin.
Going back to school presents an opportunity to improve last year's ways. One of the most effective is to help your children organize before they are overwhelmed by their work. Those large poster size "month a page" calendars at Staples or Office Depot do wonders for organizing subjects and assignments. Some kids really enjoy color coding - you can color code by subject or activity. For example, each subject can have a different color (e.g. Math - green, Science - blue, English - red) or use a different color for each required activity (e.g. homework- green, tests - red, reading assignments - black). Use whatever appeals to your kids.
Then have your child write down every assignment and test the day it comes in. Depending on their age they may need more or less help from you. Then break down the requirements of the assignment and write the bits up in each daily box. If your child must read a book and then write a book report in three weeks, then ask how many pages are in the book? 250? Okay, if she wants to finish the book in two weeks so she has a week to write the report, she must read 20 pages a day. Have your child write that down in each calendar box (e.g. pgs 1-20, 21-40, etc). It's fun to cross off when you've completed a task. Want to finish the report 3 days early? Then write a first draft the first day, leave it for a day (maybe have someone read it to edit or suggestions) then she'll have another couple of days to write a second and perhaps third draft. I usually like to build in some wiggle room for emergencies (which seem to always come up). You get the idea.
Let me know how you do with this organization - what works for you, what other ideas you have, and if you would like further support.
Warmly,
Dr. Charlotte
Going back to school presents an opportunity to improve last year's ways. One of the most effective is to help your children organize before they are overwhelmed by their work. Those large poster size "month a page" calendars at Staples or Office Depot do wonders for organizing subjects and assignments. Some kids really enjoy color coding - you can color code by subject or activity. For example, each subject can have a different color (e.g. Math - green, Science - blue, English - red) or use a different color for each required activity (e.g. homework- green, tests - red, reading assignments - black). Use whatever appeals to your kids.
Then have your child write down every assignment and test the day it comes in. Depending on their age they may need more or less help from you. Then break down the requirements of the assignment and write the bits up in each daily box. If your child must read a book and then write a book report in three weeks, then ask how many pages are in the book? 250? Okay, if she wants to finish the book in two weeks so she has a week to write the report, she must read 20 pages a day. Have your child write that down in each calendar box (e.g. pgs 1-20, 21-40, etc). It's fun to cross off when you've completed a task. Want to finish the report 3 days early? Then write a first draft the first day, leave it for a day (maybe have someone read it to edit or suggestions) then she'll have another couple of days to write a second and perhaps third draft. I usually like to build in some wiggle room for emergencies (which seem to always come up). You get the idea.
Let me know how you do with this organization - what works for you, what other ideas you have, and if you would like further support.
Warmly,
Dr. Charlotte
Sunday, July 15, 2007
The Heart of Discipline
The California Psychological Association generously asked me to write an article on discipline for their July/August issue of The California Psychologist (CPA Psychologists Doing Exceptional Things). I felt to be true to the way I work best with children and families, I needed to address the importance of the heart. The following article is the result. I invite you to start reading below and click the link at the end of the paragraph to go to the full posted article on my website.
I'd love to hear from you - comments, thoughts, your own personal experiences.
"An enraged mom pulls her son into my office. At her wits end with her 10-year-old’s acting out behavior at school, she demanded to come into his private counseling session without notice. Across town his dad had a different reaction – on his son’s weekend visit, while staying very calm, he put his misbehaving boy over his knee – and whacked him."*
Click here for the rest of the article.
I'd love to hear from you - comments, thoughts, your own personal experiences.
"An enraged mom pulls her son into my office. At her wits end with her 10-year-old’s acting out behavior at school, she demanded to come into his private counseling session without notice. Across town his dad had a different reaction – on his son’s weekend visit, while staying very calm, he put his misbehaving boy over his knee – and whacked him."*
Click here for the rest of the article.
Monday, June 4, 2007
Child's Plea for the Environment
A young girl from Vancouver Canada delivers a touching and poignant plea for saving the environment. With three other 12- and 13-year-old friends, she formed the Environmental Children's Organization (ECO). I just received this link today and invite you to watch this 7 minute video. Although this was taken at the United Nations Conference on Environment and Development in 1992, it is even more valuable today.
Please email or post your thoughts and reactions.
Please email or post your thoughts and reactions.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
The Healing Power of Nature
It's so easy to be busy these days - with kids, with work, with just about anything. How often do we take time to slow down and stop? Really stop and connect with the healing power of nature. Today I had the pleasure of spending the entire day up in Soltice Canyon, just a 45 minute drive on the outskirts of the city. Being with friends, family, and children in the spectacular gorgeous greenery was postively healing. Seeing big, beautiful blue jays on arrival, listening to the woodpeckers peck at the trees, hearing the frogs sing by the stream, and just lazing my eyes and body on such natural beauty was a delicious joy.
So here's my healing advice for the week. Pick a day on the weekend. Give yourself and your kids the day off. Take a vacation in your local park or nearby mountains. Spend the day outdoors in nature and for sure you and your kids will feel better. Forget the taxes, the bills, the homework. And then do it again - take another trip to nature - next week, next month, but very soon. It's absolutely worth it!
So here's my healing advice for the week. Pick a day on the weekend. Give yourself and your kids the day off. Take a vacation in your local park or nearby mountains. Spend the day outdoors in nature and for sure you and your kids will feel better. Forget the taxes, the bills, the homework. And then do it again - take another trip to nature - next week, next month, but very soon. It's absolutely worth it!
Thursday, March 8, 2007
From the President, International Council for Self-Esteem
I enjoyed your writeup of the Twenge article and appreciated your position and defense of the California Task Force. I was anticipating a press release of her findings which were reported earlier in Kernis's book Self-Esteem: Issues and Answers. In her book she points out that other factors such as permissive parenting, increased materialism, the fascination with celebrities and reality TV shows, and the culture in general all seem to contribute to this trend. So there is no evidence that self-esteem programs are the primary cause of this trend. She hypothesizes that only some of the blame for the increase in narcissistic scores may be due to self-esteem programs that emphasize the self-worth aspects of self-esteem. However, I believe the study is valid and significant, but it is only a small part of the problem.
Unfortunately, here is another example of researchers and college professors taking different approaches to the topic of self-esteem. It is evident that she takes the same position as Baumeister and Crocker and equates self-esteem with self-worth with her use of the Rosenberg Scale. This is in contrast to those sociologists who study self-esteem from a behavioral perspective (James, Harter, Pope), and those who believe that authentic self-esteem is a balance between worth and competence (Branden, Mruk). As you might suspect, I subscribe to this later position on self-esteem for those that base their work on self worth disregard actions and demonstrated behavior which I feel are important. I believe there are dangers in over-emphasizing self-worth and Mruk in his book Self-Esteem Theory, Research and Practice does a great job of explaining how self-worth and competence balance each other and keep each of these elements from being developed to an extreme as in the case of narcissism.
It is too bad when we have to keep educating others about these problems of definition, especially when it seems that the majority of college professors continue to use Rosenberg's scale only for their research. Thanks for your efforts.
Robert Reasoner
Unfortunately, here is another example of researchers and college professors taking different approaches to the topic of self-esteem. It is evident that she takes the same position as Baumeister and Crocker and equates self-esteem with self-worth with her use of the Rosenberg Scale. This is in contrast to those sociologists who study self-esteem from a behavioral perspective (James, Harter, Pope), and those who believe that authentic self-esteem is a balance between worth and competence (Branden, Mruk). As you might suspect, I subscribe to this later position on self-esteem for those that base their work on self worth disregard actions and demonstrated behavior which I feel are important. I believe there are dangers in over-emphasizing self-worth and Mruk in his book Self-Esteem Theory, Research and Practice does a great job of explaining how self-worth and competence balance each other and keep each of these elements from being developed to an extreme as in the case of narcissism.
It is too bad when we have to keep educating others about these problems of definition, especially when it seems that the majority of college professors continue to use Rosenberg's scale only for their research. Thanks for your efforts.
Robert Reasoner
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Self-Esteem: A College Student's Perspective
Can you really measure a person's self-esteem through a questionnaire? In my experience those who self promote usually have larger inadequacies than those who don't. My assumption is that they are making up for the issues. They are constantly bringing it up because it is something they deal with, and they are making comments that reverse their feelings to hopefully send the facade that they are what they say they are.
As far as whether or not self-esteem is good or bad, it's just like any quality (or thing in general); there must be a balance. Too much of anything is bad.
Even if you care for the wellbeing of others, if you care to the point where other's health/problems/etc. matter more than your own, than you are not living a healthy lifestyle. On the other hand, if all you care about is yourself, well then, obviously you lack moral values that the majority of society believes are valuable and unique to the human species.
Same is true for self-esteem. You can only tell if reports of self-esteem are negative if there are corresponding reports on negative behavior. I might buy the argument that trends in increased self-esteem lead to worsened personal relationships if there were questions/tests that offered those kinds of statistics as well. Even then with vague statistics riddled with confounding factors it would be hard to prove causation.
Sincerely,
Garett
University of Berkeley
As far as whether or not self-esteem is good or bad, it's just like any quality (or thing in general); there must be a balance. Too much of anything is bad.
Even if you care for the wellbeing of others, if you care to the point where other's health/problems/etc. matter more than your own, than you are not living a healthy lifestyle. On the other hand, if all you care about is yourself, well then, obviously you lack moral values that the majority of society believes are valuable and unique to the human species.
Same is true for self-esteem. You can only tell if reports of self-esteem are negative if there are corresponding reports on negative behavior. I might buy the argument that trends in increased self-esteem lead to worsened personal relationships if there were questions/tests that offered those kinds of statistics as well. Even then with vague statistics riddled with confounding factors it would be hard to prove causation.
Sincerely,
Garett
University of Berkeley
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